Get your partner’s consent prior to engaging in sexual activity. A dominatrix—sometimes called a domme—takes the leadership role in a sensual or sexual relationship, and her partner (the sub or submissive) agrees to comply with all wishes and orders. But that doesn't mean you don't need your sub's consent! Because BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism) centers around sexual control, it’s imperative that you and your partner share mutually informed consent prior to and during any sexual activity. A person who is intoxicated or unconscious cannot consent. It's also really hard to know how much your body can handle when you're intoxicated. For this and many other reasons, you should never do BDSM play when you're under the influence.

Set boundaries before playing the dominatrix. Prior to engaging in BDSM, talk to your partner about what’s off-limits, and what could be off-limits, depending on a number of factors, including pain, pressure, and psychological discomfort. Using a “want/will/won’t” list can be helpful in determining how you and your sub’s desires align. A “want/will/won’t” list basically lists what you want, what you will do if asked, and what you won’t do. Creating a “contract” can be a fun way to list wants, wills, and won’ts. Though they aren’t legally enforceable, they can create a fantasy with the sub, while setting limits and boundaries within the fantasy itself. Make sure to also discuss what you want to do after a domme session (if anything in particular). Your partner may need you to hold them or reassure them. Listen to what they need from you, and plan for it.